*Reposted from a piece I wrote for The Beautifully Broken Blog series, “In the Beginning”
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old is gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV
In the beginning, I was lost. I tried to “fix” my brokenness, my heartache, and my pain by works alone – exercise, writing, vitamins, counseling, and finally medication.
I was in a state of feeling stuck – stuck in my grief and stuck in a mundane state of survival. My relationship with God felt irreparable and non-existent.
The space between where I was emotionally and where I desired to be seemed vast and unattainable. How do I move forward? Will I ever be able to move beyond this state of hopelessness?
The only explanation I have for the shift my heart received was the pursuit of a faithful God, a loving father who stopped at nothing to find me.
“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it…he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” Luke 15:4-7 NIV
Jesus reminds us that we are all valuable to Him; He chases after those who are far from Him, rescuing them from the depths of their brokenness – grief, abandonment, suffering, addiction, pride, sin.
My heart had been in a silent plea for help, in need of rescue. I was lost and desperate to find the answer that would help me escape the life of suffering I was living.
When I welcomed Christ into my heart and into my life, my spirit became lighter. The grief was still present, however, there was a sense of peace that started to seep into the cracks, softening the edges, allowing the sharpness to fade.
My heart was brought to a new place, a posture where I was able to see God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and His constant love for me, even in the messy moments.
It wasn’t overnight, it was a process. And I had to decide every day to lean into the Holy Spirit, surrendering my bitterness and hate, so that I could live in the peace and promise of eternal life.
Holly Gerth, one of my favorite authors, puts it beautifully this way in her devotional, Fierce Hearted, “I grew up in a place where hurricanes were frequent, and I learned this: the trees that survive are the ones that bend…If we stiffen our souls and harden our hearts, then the wind blows against us until we break to our core. But if we can bend – keep trusting, hoping, loving – then we are transformed in ways beyond our understanding.”
In the beginning, I was lost. But God’s pursuit of me and my continual surrender allowed me to trust and believe that our God is a faithful, loving Father who will never leave us or forsake us. It allowed me to have a new perspective of brokenness, taking me out of that lost place and bringing me home to the Father, safe and sound.