First written on August 17th

The tears welled up and stung my eyes; my heart became heavy as I clutched any and every memory I possessed of a beautiful boy who first called me “mama.”  I can hear his voice echoing in my mind and see his smile that could light up any room.

Today, I am reminded of a day where my life changed forever, for the better.  As moms we all hold a story, especially with our first child.  I can remember almost every detail of this day, from waking up feeling “off” to later in the evening when I was putting a death grip on the ceiling strap of the Subaru as Rich drove me to the hospital.

Like a flip movie, Braden’s life passes by in a blink, and I am left to wonder what this child would be like as an eleven year old.  It almost seems impossible to know and understand what that would look like, feel like, etc.  How would this life be for him, for us?

Continued on August 27th 

On Braden’s birthday, we went to B’s site with a balloon and ate cupcakes.  We decided to fully celebrate B’s birthday with a trip to the zoo that following weekend.  It’s a place we frequent, where I find peace and feel Braden’s presence.  It just so happened to be Zoo a-la Carte, so it was full of people, food vendors, and bands playing music.  As we were just about to head back towards the parking lot, one of the bands starting playing Folsom Prison. As irrelevant as that may seem, it was the song B most loved to sing as he’d start out with, “Hello I’m Johnny Cash.”  We were at the right place at the right time; thank you B for that gift – a precious moment we could all smile through the tears.

Thank you God for this gift of a boy who taught us how to love in so many ways.